I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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