i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
