I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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