separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize