A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
