I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
