youre lurking in front of me
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
