it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
