guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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