thus making me awesome and them whores
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
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