I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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