I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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