Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
