i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
