I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
