Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Randomize
