Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
