Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
