I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
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I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
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do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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