you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
