I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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