I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
