Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
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had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
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Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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