What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
