i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
