I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
