So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
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I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
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Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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