You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
