And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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