I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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