i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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