I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
