I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm passing your future prison.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
