tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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