I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My ATM looks so different sober.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
