My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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