i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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