im having a threesome with these popsicles
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
