So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
