i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
