So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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