we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
