You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
