**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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