ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
