I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
