Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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