thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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