Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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