for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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