everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
