She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
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