Little spoons don't ask big questions
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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