Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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