All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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