the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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