Kiss
Puke
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
