At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
