You really coming over, don't trick.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
