then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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