Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
