She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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