I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
