Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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