Plan B is the new Plan A
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
