Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
did i just pee glitter
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
