So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
